ThE BIG BIRD'S DREAM
The Big Bird's Dream written by DeForest Kelley.
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away
There lived a big bird nesting on a play.
He thought if he could hatch it and get it on the air,
He’d make himself a fortune and build himself a lair.
The day finally came and the story was born
He let out a cackle: “No more corn!”
He flew from his nest with the play in his claw,
Certain to sell it, for it had no flaw.
The story he hatched within his yarn
Took place on a ship as big as a barn.
Not only that, it was in outer space,
Far removed from the human race.
Its crew searched the universe for worlds unknown
To teach and learn ~ and not try to own.
Not only that, they built a new nation
This time known as the Federation.
All of this, taking place in the skies
On a starship known as the Enterprise.
Now wouldn’t you think, with a plot like this,
The big bird had what couldn’t miss?
Well, he landed in Burbank on Hollywood Way,
And headed east, to sell his play.
But things weren’t as easy as he thought they’d be ~
Particularly when dealing with NBC.
The Enterprise crew was one of a kind
Superb in their work, with good things in mind.
Different in color and different in race,
Green, white, yellow ~ and token black face.
At first, the black was not to be,
‘Til the big bird screamed at NBC:
“It’s either she or I” he began to yell,
“Who knows who’s gonna ring whose bell?”
With great reluctance they agreed to say:
“Okay, fellows, we’ll do it his way.”
At a later time, on another day,
They’d be the first to boast they went that way.
Most who read it said: “This bird is nuts!”
But there was one among them possessed with guts.
“Let’s go with this bird, loud and clear ~
He’s saying things people should hear.
“Let’s give it a try and hope it will work.”
So spoke the head of the big network.
So the pilot was made and they all took a look ~
“My God!” one shouted, “he’s filmed a book!”
Another one yelled, “It’s too far out!
I don’t understand what it’s all about!”
But the one with guts had a grin on his face
Now he was ready to state his case.
“Far out?” he said, “I like what I’ve heard,
And I’m still gonna go with this crazy bird.”
So they made another pilot ~ with a change here and there,
And finally, they got it on the air.
The big bird felt a sense of elation
After so many days of complete frustration.
But now he knew the big job was done
And he was proud of his fine new son.
One thing was left for the big bird to do:
Find a name for his dream-come-true.
He gave a big party so the brass would appear,
To name this dream he held so dear.
When the big party calmed down and the feeling was mellow,
The big bird stepped forward to christen this fellow.
“Lift your glasses,” he said out loud,
“I’ve got a new baby of which I’m proud!”
He took an idic from his hand,
The symbol he’d created for the change in man.
He placed it tenderly around the small neck
And in a mellifluous voice, said: “Star Trek”
The brass with guts jumped up and down ~
“My God!” he said, “what a sound!
How did he think of such a name?
It’s commercial as hell ~ it’s the name of the game!”
Well, the public loved it but the Nielson was low
And they tell the networks what to show.
The word was out for all to hear:
Star Trek dead ~ after second year.
The rest is history, as you surely know,
For you, the fans, saved the show.
The millions of letters you sent to the brass
Simply knocked them on their ass!
But after one more year they put it away,
Not knowing it would rise in syndicated play.
Then came conventions ~ and letters ~ and toys,
Re-runs and rating and lots of noise.
Finally the studio was heard to say:
“We’ll remake Star Trek another way.”
“How will we do it?” one of them said,
“Not as a series, the re-runs aren’t dead.
“Let’s do it as a movie, a special or play ~
For heaven’s sake, let’s do it some way!
Precious moments are flying by ~
The actors are aging and soon may die.”
“Are they still available ~ or should we re-cast?
Without the originals, how long would it last?
Go get the big bird ~ he knows where they are
And have him remind Spock he’s still not a star.”
“We’ve got to keep their egos down
In case replacements can’t be found.”
So in flew the big bird, ready to squeal,
Naturally anxious to make a deal.
“First,” he said, “we should discuss the star ~
For all of them probably think they are!”
“Don’t be funny,” an executive said,
“If that’s the case, the whole thing’s dead.”
“What’s with Shatner? How does he look?”
“I don’t know ~ but he’s written a book.
Seems he wanted the world to know
How he suffered, making that show.”
“What’s with Kelley ~ what’s with his life?”
“He’s living in the Valley ~ with the very same wife!
I know one thing that’s buggin’ him,
He’s sick of that line. He’s dead, Jim!”
“Now what about Doohan, the one with the brogue,”
Well, he bought a motor-coach and hit the road.
He’s grown a beard ~ it’s silver and black,
And he says he wants to keep it, if he comes back.”
“What about Takei ~ he flew the damned ship…”
“Well, he’s into politics ~ a whole new trip.
He had a job on the Mayor’s staff,
But they couldn’t take that crazy laugh!”
“Okay, okay, what about Nichelle?
The one you said would ring our bell?”
“She’s working for NASA ~ goes all over the nation
Trying to interest women in the space administration.”
“They’re using the Enterprise to colonize space
And they can’t seem to do it without the female race.
She says she’s had it in Communications
And wants to come back in Public Relations.”
“Well, where the hell’s Koeing ~ our young Russian lad?”
“Oh, he’s writing for films ~ and he’s really not bad.
As a matter of fact, if he can be around,
He could be the one to get this off the ground!”
“That just about covers the entire crew…
Majel’s no problem ~ she’s married to you!”
“Don’t you believe it, not on your life!
I don’t make deals with my very own wife.”
“And even though she’s married to me,
She still commands the same high fee.
And if this show goes, she’ll be back, you can bet ~
I’ve never written a script without her yet.
“And there’s one more actor you’ve left out
That I really think we should talk about.
I know it’s something you hate to discuss
Because it’s going to create quite a fuss.
“I’m referring to Nimoy and what he has to say.
He’s in New York, doing a play.
He’s portraying a doctor and says it’s a joy ~
And he might come back if he could play McCoy.”
“McCoy’s role?” the executive said,
“My God, man, he’s out of his head!
Well, I’m telling you, that really takes guts ~
The brass will think we’ve gone nuts!”
“What about Kelley, if Spock plays McCoy?
He’ll just flip if we get another boy.”
The big bird spoke with that smile on his face,
The one he wears when he’s solved a case.
“Easy, gentlemen, don’t worry about that…
I can fix him in nothing flat.
So just relax and calm down your fears…
I’ll paint De green ~ and give him the ears!”
So that brings us up to where we are today,
With thousands of people gathered to say
“Star Trek Lives!” ~ it will not die ~
When will someone make it fly?
1976 Tomorrow Tom Snyder interviews Kelley, Doohan, Koenig and Harlan Ellison
1976 Inside Star Trek Gene Roddenberry LP. Includes short interview with Kelley
1978(?) The Star Trek Tapes Jack Sell audio tape. Includes short and pointless little joke by Kelley. Best of tape is Leonard Nimoy reading from I Am Not Spock.
1979(?) ABC 20/20 (reported in 9/80 Starlog)
1982 Merv Griffin Show 1986(?) Crook and Chase - STIV int. with Catherine Hicks (DKC-S1) 3/25/88 Midday Colorado (Denver, prior to convention; DKC-S1)
1/1990 Instant Recall (DKC-S1) 9/27/90 ABC Primetime Live: "To Boldly Go" (documentary on TNG)
9/8/92 QVC appearance
1994 Documentary: Star Trek: A Captain's Log (CBS)
1996 Documentary: Hollywood Commandos
1997 Documentary: Trekkies