Saturday, April 21, 2007

Ferengi Fun Facts

A Ferengi male is expected to remember and follow all of the 285 Ferengi Rules of Acquisition. The Ferengi Rules are actually quite funny. Ferengi Females are forbidden to quote the rules and wear clothes due to their second class residential status. Ferengi Law bans females from ever making business deals.

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The first Rule of Acquisition was written 10,000 years ago by the Original Grand Negus. His name was Gint. When Zek's (Current Grand Negus) greedy personality was changed by aliens he encountered in the Bajorian Wormhole, Zek revised the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition.

Quark and Rom of DS9 were horrified. Every good Ferengi follows the Rules with religious devotion from an early age. The use of the Bajorian Orb had a drastic effect on Zek and in his lunatic condition, the Grand Negus set up the Ferengi Benevolent Society. Fortunately for Ferengi everywhere, Zek's crazy personality was only temporary and the new society and rules were scrapped. Yee-ha!

The Ferengi Code of Living.

1 Once you have their money, you never give it back.
3 Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to.
6 Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
7 Keep your ears open.
8 Small print leads to large risk.
9 Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
10 Greed is eternal.
13 Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
16 A deal is a deal, until a better one comes along!
17 A contract is a contract is a contract, but only between Ferengi.
18 A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
19 Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
21 Never place friendship above profit.

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22 A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
27 There's nothing more dangerous than an honest business man.
31 Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother, insult something he cares about instead.
33 It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
34 Peace is good for business.
35 War is good for business.
40 She can touch your lobes, but never your latinum.
41 Profit is its own reward.
44 Never confuse wisdom with luck.
47 Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
48 The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
52 Never ask when you can take.
57 Good customers are as rare as latinum, treasure them.
58 There is no substitute for success.
59 Free advice is seldom cheap.
60 Keep your lies consistent.
62 The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
65 Win or lose, theres always Huyperian beetle snuff.
69 Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races.
75 Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum.
76 Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.

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79 Beware of Vulcan greed for knowledge.
82 The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
85 Never let the competition know what your thinking.
89 Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.
94 Females and finances don't mix.
97 Enough is never enough.
102 Nature delays but latinum lasts forever.
104 Faith moves mountains of inventory.
106 There is no honour in poverty.
109 Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
111 Treat people in your debt like family, exploit them.
112 Never have sex with the boss's sister.
113 Always have sex with the boss.
117 You can't free a fish from water.
121 Everything is for sale, even friendship.
123 Even a blind man can recognise the glow of latinum.
139 Wives serve, brothers inherit.
141 Only fools pay retail.
144 There's nothing wrong with charity... as long as it winds up in your pocket.
162 Even in the worst of times a Ferengi turns a profit.
177 Know your enemies, but do business with them always.
181 Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
189 Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
192 Never cheat a Klingon, unless you're sure you can get away with it.
194 It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your front door, so you can rob them blind.
202 The justification of profit is profit.
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203 New customers are like razor toothed gree worms, they can be succulent but sometimes they bite back.
211 Employees are the rungs on the ladder to success. Don't hesitate to step on them.
214 Never begin a negotiation on an empty stomach.
215 Demand fully clothed females undress before you.
218 Always know what your buying.
223 Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.
229 Latinum lasts longer than lust.
236 Humans have a price, but you can't buy fate.
239 Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
242 More is good... all is better.
254 Lies are good for business.
255 A wife is a luxury... a smart accountant is a necessity.
261 A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
263 Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for latinum.
266 When in doubt, lie.
284 Deep down everyones a Ferengi.
285 No good deed ever goes unpunished.

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Zek's Revised Rules of Acquisition.

1A If they want their money back, give it to them.
10A Greed is dead.
21A Never place profit before friendship.
22A Latinum tarnishes, but family is forever.
23A Money can never replace dignity.
285A A good deed is its own reward.

Live Long and Prosper Trekkers!


Peaceful/Paisible said...

hello dear, I'm an earthling mousie ...People says I live in France, but actually I live in Plumpiemousie a village situated in Blogland...I'm very shocked of the way of life of Ferengi tell my sisters ferengi I'll come and help them to fight those stupid Ferengi males...hold on sisters, we are coming to help you...

SpacerGuy said...

lol, yes the Ferengi are obsessive, greedy creatures but funny.

"Hold it right there shortie" warns Security Chief of the U.S.S. Enterprise NCC 1701-D. She defended herself really well against the little beasties!

Season One of Star Trek The Next Generation, The Last Outpost is worth a watch.

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