STAR TREK JOKES

DATA - STAR TREK GENERATIONS

Hi Trekkers, I hope everyones keeping well. Here are some jokes I got from Uhura's hailing frequencies  for you to enjoy .

What did Datas hand puppet say to Geordi in Star Trek Generations? call me Mr Tricoder!..😁!!!

Uhura: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Captain Kirk: "To boldly go where no chicken had gone before!"

How do you stay warm on a klingon bird of prey? 

KLINGON BIRD OF PREY
Image Owner:
ViacomCBS

Engage the cloaking device!

Guess why Capt Picard is such a cool rapper? He follows the rhyme directive.

How many ears does Spock have? Three. Left, Right and the final front ear.

Who's the No1 soccer player on the USS Enterprise NCC 1701-D?

Commander William T Striker!

Live long and Prosper, Trekkers 

Why Star Trek canon is cooler than Star Wars and Doctor Who.

 Hey Trekkers Spacerguy here. Remember our Borg buddies in 2373 Star Trek First Contact? History records Jean Luc Picard's USS Enterprise NCC 1701-E racing after the Borg Queens time travelling sphere to protect the timeline in the Alpha Quadrant. Pesky Borgs wanted to assimilate earth in the past 2063 so Picard had to act fast.  

USS Enterprise NCC 1701-E

The Borg Attack and Launch their Time-Sphere
Schuschinus

Picard pursues the Time Sphere into the Vortex to stop the damage!
thefirstfleet

The Borg Queen realized after Wolf 359 war with Federation and Worf's tough little ship spelt game over! 40 ships whooped the automatons real good didn't they? lol However a number of drones including the Borg Queen played by Alice Krige didn't give up, remember the Borg don't feel pity, they don't negotiate and will never surrender. 

I am the Borg Queen. You Will Obey Me!
scifiman

Resist and You WILL be Assimilated! 

 The pure magnificence of the Borg's stratagem took us on a joyride because by the time Picard blew the sphere to bits the fun was just beginning. So how did our Borg buddies escape through a temporal vortex and turn earths happy ball of beings into cyborgs? 

STAR TREK, Star Wars or Doctor Who -
decide now Trekkers and Trekkies 
DoctorWhoOne

I am Jean Luc Picard how can this be happening to me?

The USS Enterprise-E crew soon discover Earth assimilation in a past timeline has occurred. Is it too late? Eradicating this point in time is critical! but Picards sovereign class starship is right where the Queens big plan takes shape. Heck even Data joins in the fun and why not eh? When more reinforcements from the Delta Quadrant arrives construction of the Interplexing Beacon hails more Borg buddies from the Delta quadrant, at least thats the idea!

Captain, I believe I am feeling... anxiety. It is an intriguing sensation

Borg drone passion for network transwarp conduits and technology took over "Captain Ahab's" ship in the 24th century. Lets face it, Picard wanted revenge,  I mean how would you feel about being experimented with cybernetic devices throughout your body and then we have the ultimate showdown between Picard and and Worf on the Enterprise-E bridge.

WORF: With all due respect, sir, ...I believe you are allowing your personal experience with the Borg to influence your judgement. PICARD: You're afraid. You want to destroy the ship and run away. You coward. WORF: If you were any other man I would kill you where you stand.

Long story short trekkers, The Queen hadn't counted on Dr Zefram Cochrane revolutionary space travel with the invention of the warp drive or Mr Worf blowing the Enterprise-E beacon to smithereens! 

Is Resistance always futile?  Worf stopped himself from killing Picard. Why?

What did Picard say to Mr Worf on the bridge of the Enterprise-E which enraged the Klingon?

1. You're a coward now get off my bridge.

2. Your afraid, you want to destroy the ship and run away, you coward

3. Fight hand to hand but go down with the ship Mr Worf, thats an order!

LIVE LONG AND PROSPER, MY TREKKER FRIENDS.

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Synthetic Scotch Synthetic Commanders

 

Hi Trekkers, Spacerguy here. Its always nice to kick back with a cocktail and enjoy a drink with your android Starfleet buddy when duties permit. Scotty in TNG Relics just had a sip of synthehol and nearly choked! Even 75 years locked in a continuous transporter cycle didn't develop the taste buds for fake booze. So here Data finds the solution and its by no means artificial. Guinan, a woman of many secrets with her bar counter in Ten Forward is just the ticket. 

Whats the green cocktail called? 

1. SAURIAN BRANDY - Potent liqueur

2. ALDEBARIAN WHISKEY - Alcoholic beverage of considerable potency

3. KLINGON BLOOD WINE -  Packs quite the punch

Live Long and prosper, trekkers.

STEVE SCHNIER - USS ENTERPRISE IN SPACE

Hi Trekkers Spacerguy here. Steve Schnier stopped by not too long ago who I totally believe has earned his place in Star Trek and Sci-Fi history. I figured his Enterprise capers might cheer lots of us up so enjoy the fun. 55 years on, Earth still hasn't built a real starship USS Enterprise NCC 1701 to boldly explore and chart the galactic regions of outer space, shocking isn't it?  but have I news for you... 😁

No Enterprise and its a real tragic reality, lol... except that is until now. Imagine my surprise what Steve and his wife did in 2013. Their "Enterprise" launch in Canada and filmed on youtube for posterity is magnificent! Not to be missed, we see the USS Enterprise NCC 1701 stellar ascend into the skies as the starship navigates easily soaring on her maiden flight with little turbulence thanks to Scotty in the engine room. 

 The good news is readings indicate that the ship may have reached or crossed the 100KM boundary Kármán line which is so cool.

 In hindsight I realise now "The U.S.S. Enterprise in Space" is such a sweet moment in Star Trek history and I was a tad tardy reporting this fascinating news, so I beg forgiveness readers. Picard would say it was "the burdens of command" (hangs head down in shame.) 😑but the show must go on! 😁

Star Trek is always exploring the outer limits which began aboard Captain James T Kirk's classic USS Enterprise NCC 1701 in 1966 (prequels and sequels aside) but this is for real!. Anyway, all joking aside heres what Steve said on Wednesday, May 08, 2013

 

Hello! Nice blog by the way.

My name is Steve Schnier. Just a note to let you know that my wife and I sent a model of STAR TREK’s U.S.S. Enterprise into near-space via weather balloon. The payload reached a height of 95,568’ and hit a top speed of 63 knots or 117 km/hr.

The model was launched from Stayner, Ontario (90 minutes North of Toronto) and was recovered from a remote island in Georgian Bay. It was supposed to travel South towards Toronto - but I miscalculated and it went due North. I should have paid more attention in Math Class.

LIVE LONG AND PROSPER MY TREKKER FRIENDS  - 

Enjoy the Enterprise in Space

STAR TREK TNG - BOOBY TRAP (PART TWO)

 Hi Trekkers Spacerguy reporting. We visited Star Trek TNG "Booby Trap" P1 in 2018 so heres the scientific aspect with respect to the aceton assimilators and the slingshot for P2, You can thank Armchair Squid who stopped by last week reminding us this really is Geordi La Forges episode.

OH YES, IVE BEEN MEANING TO  THANK ARMCHAIR SQUID FOR THE SUNSHINE AWARD 

THANKS PAL

On stardate 43205.6 the flagship USS Enterprise NCC 1701-D investigates a rather harmless asteroid belt near Iralius IX with relics emerging from a wartorn age. 

So when a Promellian battleship Cleponji appears on the Enterprise-D viewscreen, Captain Picard is excited. Well, well, well. Such a fantastic find... The alien relic itself represented "1000 years" of history which takes the starship Enterprise-D crew quite by surprise. A true floating alien museum with high tech, high spec technology for its time is one thing. So from Picards perspective so much was right about it.... until the USS Enterprise-D couldn't move... Then panic sets in...

The Menthars Aceton Assimilators. Thousands of these deadly devices mined the asteroid field. One managed to snare the Enterprise-D and drain significant energy from the ships systems. The idea was to steal enough energy generating fatal radiation to kill the crew. Thats when Geordi La Forge and Leah Brahms got to work on the holodeck.

"Odds are its even money."

Geordi best guess from the holodeck gives Picard two options.. Kickstarting the Enterprise-D and shut everything off except two thrusters or turn the entire ship over to the computer. Let artificial intelligence fly the Enterprise clear of the deadly booby trap. (Only trouble was the ship might not coast far enough out of the "booby trap" so like with an A.I. in charge then eveyone's goose would be really cooked in 26 minutes which is more or less what Commander Data warbled on about while Picard flew the ship.

"Thank you Mr Data"

Which left this life and death decision down to Picard. The burdens of command. So he decided to fly the Enterprise-D with only one propeller so to speak. It was a gamble but no less risky than the "slingshot effect" in Star Trek IV. If it works great if not game over. However it did work and with Picard in control at the conn he used asteroid's gravitational pull as a slingshot to free the Enterprise-D from the Menthars Booby trap. 

1. What do you think of Captain Picard's slingshot manoeuvre?

2. Whos Starship would you prefer to be on when crises hits. Captain Kirk or Captain Picard or Captain Archer or Captain Sisco or Captain Janeway's or Worfs?

3. Lets say the Enterprise-D is travelling at warp lightspeed towards a G-type star or sun instead of an Iralius asteroid.  What would happen?

A. Timetravel

B. Nothing

C. Fatal exposure in 26 minutes 

Sorry the post was so long today, 

LIVE LONG AND PROSPER MY TREKKER FRIENDS

STAR TREK PICARD FUN FACTS

 Hi Trekkers, Spacerguy here. Did you get to see Star Trek Picard on the Sci Fi channel? CBS, Netflix or Amazon Prime Video? cos like now you can buy it on dvd. Millions of Star Trek fans were thrilled when treks famous Captain Picard took the reigns once again to protect Starfleet and Federation trusting interplanetary citizens but it is different.... 

  I reckon trekker reactions to the cyborg killing spree on the red planet definitely left most of us stunned in our seats. lol  Theres lots of trekker wallowing on IMDB while conversely others just loved the show.  

Mars as a fully operational base got me excited but then that sub-plot ended with a big flash and a bang. I mean talk about stealthy killer synths on Mars, but what was kinda missing was intelligent analytical science. Stuff like1g artificial gravity and robust shielding against dangerous radiation from space you know the stuff that kills you but hey these automatons were just sophisticated silent space monsters, right?.😄  

Then you've got the threat to the hero Sirena spaceship but hey just some fancy dorking around with a 3d computer display and all systems restored, no mention of gigawatt-class propulsion, anti matter engines or deuterium fuel running out. Looking back now, it occurs to me with several writers involved in creating this magnificent enterprise being geeky writers had to have read up on this from somewhere! Do you see what I'm getting at??

 Still, bringing in the classic TNG actors was a blinder with co-stars Michelle Hurd and IMDB filling in the gaps. So much was right about it despite encounters with traitorous Zhat Vash Federation spy Commodore O. That said the goal was simple and SirPat said this - we're not going to see the crew of the Enterprise again:D  sniff.😐

Star Trek Picard is a shake up and it challenges our moral trekkie core beliefs, but we've got to stop wallowing. This is the age of mobile phone instant gratification. I enjoyed Picards fascinating outlook on Star Trek empiricism. So its a little Star Warsy but brave of Patrick Stewart and co-stars to test trekkie waters but QUESTION: Will Tarantino changes like these pay off in the cinemas? 

Is Star Trek Picard all good?

Forget about Technobabble?

The Articles of Federation - for or against?

Do we need more killer cyborgs and Zhat Vash tricks of the mind in the show?

LIVE LONG AND PROSPER, MY TREKKER FRIENDS

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE STAR TREK TOYS?

Hey Trekkers, Spacerguy here. During Star Treks 55 year history, fans love to get the latest variety of trek merchandise officially sanctioned by Paramount and CBS Studios. From TV and Movies, books, games, apps, uniforms to action figures - even at a Las Vegas attraction. 

Companies will try everything under the asteroid van allen belt (minus - getting zapped by alien radiation, haha) to create new and different collectibles. So what your favorite sci-fi toy?

Remember these?   😧   😁

Did you get the newest, coolest trendiest Star Trek toys? 

1. Thanks to Mattel, now we've got Uhura, Kirk and Spock and a limited edition Orion woman.

2. Star Trek cookbook written by Neelix - Ethan Philips

3. Marshmallow Dispenser - Spock used this toy in Star Trek V - made by Kraft

.

4. Star Trek Metal Detector (friendly forum) used to find lost phasers when scanners are malfunctioning.

5. USS Enterprise NCC 1701 Pizza Cutters. Future generations will debate on which starship cuts pizza best... the original or the Enterprise NCC 1701-D. Think Geek created these cutters in both starship styles.

6. AMT Star Trek USS Enterprise with lights and Sound Effects. (I made one of these beauties and they still sell them on Amazon!!! These toys are decades old and in mint condition, lol)

Did you see Brent Spiner wrecking Sheldens Wesley Crusher doll on Big Bang? 😁

So which Star Trek toy is your favorite? . 

Don't be shy, tell us how many trekkie toys you have. 

If its not listed here tell us what it is.  

What are your favorite Star Trek APPS?

Live Long and Prosper, my trekker friends

EVERYONE MATTERS - STAR TREKS SCIENTIFIC FUTURE GIVES US HOPE

 Hi Trekkers! In an age of tongue twisting technobabble getting your trekkie on at a Star Trek convention was such an enjoyable experience. Enthusiastic fans looking towards the stars, concerned about our little world have Star Treks scientific future to cling onto for hope. Even though some say Star Wars resurrected the franchise I say, hold on!!! Everyone matters. 

Yes, eager Star Trek fans with Paramount concerns trekking across earth want to be counted too. Don't forget us! Curious sciencefictionist  explorers we are boldly going seeking out new friends on new "civilizations" who love the fundamentalism of Star Trek. 

Lots of us will remember the 90's and well into 2000's when Star Trek engaged the hearts and minds of every living trekker on earth. Mr Spocks respect for science and Uhuras honeyed voice opening up sub-space frequencies -  Last year more than 200,000 tickets sold for New Yorks Comic Con with San Diego seeing 135,000 attendees at its in person convention for the year.

For a while it was beginning to feel like Star Trek ruled the globe. Along came CBS, Netflix streaming, Amazon Prime and Crave TV. Its a widely enjoyed phenomena that Star Trek celebrities united the fans who immediately go to conventions packed with lovable mysterious monsters etc and geek out.

We enjoyed the fun chats, Q and Answers with the stars, high fives, photo shots, autograph signings and news updates.

Today as the covid19 pandemic sweeps across the earth dozens of Star Trek celebs have lined up for Virtual Trek Con.... Trekker to Sci-fi fan its not quite the same is it? 

Nevertheless, the message is clear, stay safe. 

The last Virtual fan convention Variety reported ran from 22-26 was no more exciting than enjoying a nice cup of tea. To answer this question logically, Twitter tweets for Comic-Con@Home have nosedived to 93,681. 

Virtual Star Trek convention have slashed fan numbers by 95% so far (for 2020 ) Where did the live convention fans go? Apparently no-ones tweeting much on Twitter anymore (about pure Star Trek excitement because well...... lets just say the buzz has died) compared to 5 days in 2019. The figures speak for themselves 1,719,000 vs 93,681

So Trekkers, with Star Trek Streaming and Virtual Fan Conventions on the menu this year.... at least we're not having gravy with our ham salad while watching Star Wars on TV.

1. CBS All Access
2. NETFLIX
3. AMAZON PRIME INSTANT VIDEO
4. HULU
5. Crackle
6. YOUTUBE
7. Drama Fever
8. CRUNCHYROLL
9. TWITCH TV (JUSTIN TV)
10. ITUNES/ GOOGLE PLAY STORE

Star Trek or Star Wars? go on now don't be shy..... 

Which Star Trek show rocks your boat, CLASSIC, TNG, PICARD OR DISCOVERY?

So what impact are virtual fan cons  having on peoples lives vs the noisy Star Trek conventions of the past year? 

Live Long and Prosper, my Friends.

WHO MADE THESE STAR TREK INSULTS AND RETORTED?

Hi Trekkers, here are 5 clever one liners from our favorite Star Trek Classic and Star Trek the Next Generation TV shows. 

Quotes like these will seem pretty obvious for fans of Science Fiction but test yourself. Go on you'll be surprised.  Its a simple enough quiz of sorts but can you match these faces to the statements? I bet you can! Now make it so

QUESTION: 

WHICH BADASS STAR TREK CHARACTER MADE THE FOLLOWING POKES?

(WORF, RIKER, Q, DR MCCOY AND K'EHlEYR) in mixed order....

1. Eat any good books lately?

2. God I liked him better before he died.

3. Whereas others take a simpler approach. Say nothing.

4. When one does not have the words

5. Only a veruul would use such language in public.

HERE ARE THE likely SUSPECTS

SUGGESTIONS?

WORF

RIKER

Q

DR McCOY

KEHLEYR

SO WHO SAID WHAT? GOT ANY FAVORITES? WHAT IS A VERUUL? 

LIVE LONG AND PROSPER TREKKERS

STAR TREK THE NEXT GENERATION - CHAIN OF COMMAND

Captain Picard is great for talking his way out of trouble but in Star Trek's Chain of Command, this is the episode which establishes TNG far beyond a kids TV show. It's rated in the top five of all TNG episodes. Yes, we can always rely on the USS Enterprise NCC 1701-D diplomacy, tough talk, and we come in peace boldly going where no-one has gone before... Trouble is when Dr Crusher, Lt Worf and Picard beam down to Celtris 3 on a secret search and destroy mission our three buddies bite off more than they can chew.....

WORF, PICARD, BEVERLY

To begin the Cardassian lab developing metagenic weapons isn't there!!! What in great space? so the covert operation was based on Cold War misinformation. A hoax! We soon learn why when Worf and Crusher escape during the Cardassian ambush leaving Picard high and dry captured and at the mercy of one of Cardassias notorious torturers, Interrogator Gul Madred. also played the assassinated Chancellor Gorkon in Star Trek the Undiscovered Country

GUL MADRED

Picard faces his finest darkest hour, abandoned by the USS Enterprise (now commanded by Captain Edward Jellico) injected with truth drugs yet still refused to spill about Federation Defense plans cos like he didn't know the Top Secret stuff, right! 

So Gul Madred sees red and goes mad! He tortures the good captain for his own sadistic pleasure. (exactly like the head chef where I work) I guess you might call it a trick of the mind - this type of trickery involved manipulating the captain to reveal his knowledge and thus break his spirit. (oh yes then Madred has a torture device.) "Forgive me, I take no pleasure but I must demonstrate this." (YEAH SURE! )